Before I get onto this topic that makes people squirm on the edge of their seats, I’m gonna start off by getting on your last nerve by starting with, ‘so a lot of you have been asking’ me about that tea I stirred up last week. Remember? When I told you how nilijipata kwa those your town gatherings with my big age? (Ok, I was young but nilikuwa nimejikosea heshima)
I did mention that I had my Kshs6K salo in hand. And what I can only describe as ‘a conspired plot by my enemies to finish me’, had me volunteering my hard earned notes in the hopes of doubling them. Besides, I thought to myself, these crowds are always packed and where there smoke there’s fire, right?
So the main man in the center gladly (a little too gladly for my comfort) went ahead and snatched the cash from my hand. He even clapped and winked. I knew I was gonna make a killing. Plus if my employer at the time wasn’t gonna review my salo, then I’d find other legal means to make it happen for myself. Besides, don’t they say that when you want something done and done well, then best do it yourself?
Wisdom will finish me ???
In a jiffy, I watched this guy display the noted to everyone. Perhaps to make his case of legitimacy and all. I thought nothing of it. He made his way to the second layer of the crowd. Still showing my notes. I was now beaming with pride because he would show the notes, then point at me. The crown applauded. Ndio nikajua Nairobians will cheer you on to bad decisions. IDK why that even surprised me. Isn’t that the status quo every weekend? Parte after…?
Anyhu, while I was being high-fived. I lost track of the guy but I had nothing to worry about. So I lengad. But small small guys started to leave… I figured they had to rush home to prepare for ‘the underpaying jobs and struggling businesses’ that awaited them the next day, whew! The ghetto!
But in what seemed like an underwhelming three minutes, I could literally count the number of people that were left. If there’s a day I have experienced delirium and psychosis all at once, that had to be it. I couldn’t believe it. Luckily, I had fare to make it home because moms are our guardian angels in human masquerade. Since then, I spit a little in my mouth when I see these guys. Muache kuizhi mkiniuliza hii story from here on out. There it is. You laugh. It’s funny now but me and you lot who get duped through Kamiti texts, same Wozzap.
A great lesson came from here: What’s honestly yours is rightfully given to you. That extra that makes you do things only your alter ego can stomach? It’ll just come back to bite you… And so doubling your money is not a way to boost your December enjoyment.
On that note, with the amount you have. How is your holiday looking like? Are you planning according to your pocket ama we’re winging it and doing what everyone else is doing? I’ve thought long and hard about how we end up broke in this our month of the Lord. What no one tells you is that broke is relative. For example, Sospeter ama Wafula wakisema wamesota… my friend, BELIEVE them! Mimi nikisema nimesota unaeza shuku because I’m somewhat becoming a mastermind of how my account looks like.
So what are some of the things that Kenyans do during the holidays:
Enjoyment
Road trips
More dates! More dates! More dates!
Gifting
Household shopping (for you and yours)
Trips to shaggz
Give to charity
Upgrade gadgets and electronics
Outside-the-254 trips
Settling debts (sometimes by taking up new ones)
Refurnish/renovate
Try out new spots Jan-Nov would never catch you
Every weekend event (Btw Sunday brunch is a ruse, watch this space)
Only grammable high-end nail bars
You get the drift. But there’s a fine line between treating yourself and simply splurging. And that is where you go wrong. So here’s what I’m getting at: It’s December, I get it. The year has been a tough cookie and you want to celebrate the fact that you made it and that you’re standing on your own two feet! And I absolutely love that! Oh and by some means go for it - notice how I didn’t say ‘all means’!
But I also want us to start 2020 on a good note. Okay, maybe we’re too far gone to start planning for Njaanuary but hear me out. You don’t have to do everything wadau. Make a list of what is the norm and what you want to do. Plan the cost of each activity/item. Cross off what you think you can do without (And trust me it’s a lot. Kwani December zenu zikona siku ngapi?). Then whatever you have left over, put that pale kwa KCB Goal Account.
Volume iko sawa?
Mnishikilie ama nisimame kwa meza mimi.
Over&Out,
The Witty Banker
