Picture this: Ni Monday asubuhi, birds are singing, and the sun is shining. Instead of rushing to prepare for work, you're slowly sipping coffee ukijiuliza, what do I do this week? Niende Museum? Aaaaa No. Niende upcountry so I can check on my goats? Nope! It’s too cold out there. It's been a while since niende kwa beach, let me book a flight to Mombasa.
Hii ndio life neighbor yangu mzee Juma anaishi. Guy doesn't work, lakini he's living large. Anaishi Maisha ya ku envy ‘Mwalimu wa Maths’ for sure.
Me nilijua hii story ni serious when I got a knock on my door one Saturday evening. Ku fungua mlango ni caretaker, ananiambia ati 'the meeting is about to start pale roof top' namuuliza meeting gani ananiambia 'Hebu check WhatsApp'. Kumbe my neighbors set up a meeting to discuss Mzee Juma and his 'potential risk to the community'. Wuueh!
Me kufika pale, meeting ishaanza. Nikatulia, naskiza my neighbors waki complain “He must be into some strange business, they all drive black tinted cars like his,” mwingine "I am sure he is involved in kidnappings" "We need to report this to the police.”
The allegations even got wilder and wilder.
Alafu without warning, Mzee Juma akaingia. Kumbe he was just around and no one had a clue. One of my neighbors who was speaking aliingiza baridi, he even started hadi aka-stammer. Juma who had heard most of the conversation stepped forward akaongea. "If you guys think I have insane amounts of money now at my age, then it means I did something right in my youth" By the way, did I mention Mzee Juma is 67? It turns out huyu mzee ni retirement money ana-enjoy.
He ended up giving us the secret sauce to his successful retirement life. Kumbe once Mzee Juma retired, he got his retirement money and invested it in a KCB Drawdown Fund. This fund allows you to get monthly payouts, almost like getting your salary. What’s even better is that you can decide the amount of money you want to receive each month. Kama next month unahitaji 80K, you tell the bank. Kama the month after that you need 150K, unawaambia and they sort you out.
Na hiyo hata sio the best part, every month your money is in the KCB Income Drawdown Fund, inapata interest. And in the unfortunate case of your demise, your beneficiaries will get the money you’ve saved, si hiyo ni deal ya maana?
Saa hii ‘cause majirani wangu wamechanuka, Mzee Juma amekuwa the new favorite guy around the block. They’re all thinking about opening a KCB Income Drawdown Fund account, and you should too, ndio uishi vizuri kama Mzee Juma.
Over & Out,
The Witty Banker.
