29th Nov, 2019
The Witty Banker is not in today, so I, Wafula (first of his name), will be stepping in for him because what are friends for? Plus he said he’d pay me if I did and I see no harm in making a lil extra buck. I will have you know that ni ngumu kujaribu kuongea kama huyo msee. But I’ll give it my best shot.
Before aende kwenye alienda, your beloved blogger aliguzaguza mifuko, akafungua wallet, and then he mumbled something about not understanding why he was short of cash. I offered to help, because again, what are friends for? (But pia, mi hulipisha watu madeni na interest… ) He gave me his attention as I fumbled with my phone nikifungua the KCB App on my new iPhone *ahem*. I casually asked what the cash was for anyway. But huyu mtu wenu na masiri. He shot me a look and hurriedly walked off. Nilifikiria kumfuata but mkubwa akaingia ikabidi nijipe shughli.
Kusota ni kitu frustrating sana. But as Kenyans, we like to laugh at our pain. Pale Twitter mmejaza memes about being broke by the 5th kosokoso. Then mnaretweet, tunacheka. But kwa ground vitu ni different. We even coined a term for it: the famous ‘Mwezi Kona’. Kwa ground, we outchea deciding between enjoyment and paying for your monthly internet subscription. Deciding on which meal to skip. You’ll notice vile at some point your apartment block sounds like a choir of faulty success cards vile watu hawajalipia units za stima (By the way, to silence your elec meters, dial 812 on the thingy. Thank me later).
My point is, we can laugh and laugh and laugh kwa streets and on social media but ukweli ni, that pain hits different for everyone. Ukienda kulalia ngumi ukiwaza madeni and all the expenses, you’re all alone.
Which brings me to my point. When did we start complicating things for ourselves? Remember the way a thao would skuma you for a week in campo? I’m picking then because that’s when most of us were exposed to expenses. Sure we can argue how the economy has become a thorny affair but those are details. The thing is, we were better planners growing up than we are now. We had expenses of different kinds, true, but my guy, expenses are expenses.
And while expenses now slap different, the money you live off of has also increased so that’s not really an excuse. You get where I’m going? In campus you’d have a G and you’d plan so well. You’d figure out a meal plan. You had a dedicated Mama Fua. Small small enjoyment was often in the hostel because you knew going out was not you staying ‘in your lane’. You’d even figured our fare changes so you knew when to be commuting and which nganya to take. You were so smart and cautious about your money.
Then the mother of all changes happens. You get your first job. Everyone has one heck of a storo about what they did with their first salo. If I told what I did with mine, your eyes will bleed so wacheni hiyo ikuwe story ya siku ingine. And I think ni sawa. Imagine coming from surviving on a grand a week to getting an actual salo? Whew! But after that first salo, why do we keep making these memeable financial decisions?
I’ve worked out a system:
Rent – 20% (Now you wanna know where I live, lol. Nani, jail nyumba yako)
Utilities (ninamaanisha your monthly bills wenye si wa group of schools) – 10%
Food – 10%
Fare – 15%
Chama/Sacco – 10%
Mathe – 10%
Small small enjoyment – 15%
KCB Goal Account. – 10%
How do you budget? Ama you’re operating a debt survival system? Yikes. Wild!
Seriously though, I’m curious to know, do y’all budget? If so, what’s your split and is it working ama nijali hali yangu? Let’s enlighten each other. Sio kila siku kuulizana form iko wapi.
You must be wondering if I sent your boy the cash, I did.
Over&Out,
Absolutely not The Witty Banker,
Wafula
